The Long and Winding Road
An Aasimar with a talking sword?! Bizarrely likable despite being probably insane.
Alignment Um, hello? I’m Ushio! Greatest hero ever! (Neutral-Good)
Race Apparently I glow in the dark?! THAT’S SUPER COOL OH MY GOD! (Aasimar)
Class I can do two things real good: I can run and I can punchstab things! (Monk? Maybe??)
Strength MY FRIENDS ARE MY STRENGTH! Also, my super-strong muscles! (19)
Dexterity Um, I run real fast? Like, REALLY FAST! (21)
Constitution Man, that’s a big word. Umm… Oh, Geb says I can take a punch to the face pretty good. (15)
Intelligence I don’t have time to think! Besides, Geb does that for me a lot of the time anyway! (6)
Wisdom Oh I forgot. I can do two other things real good: I can see superfar and I remember everything… eventually. (21)
Charisma People say I’m likable? That’s kind of cool I guess! (12)
Oh man, where do I start? HEY GEB, WHERE DO I START?
Okay, so here’s the deal. I was running around town looking for someone who speaks fishtalk stuff right? And no one could! It’s like I can’t do everything here. I can kill and cook a fish no problem but I can’t talk to one! I can only speak Common, Celestial, Dwarven and Ancient Giant (but that last one is a secret okay????). OH AND I CAN TALK TO WEAPON SPIRITS TOO. Archos and Mei still don’t believe me about that. Can you believe that?!
Anyway so there I was in town right and I ran into this giant group of people who were like looking for someone to help them with a fish problem too. It turns out like two of them COULD talk Aquan (fishtalk) so I was like talking to Geb about this and they gave me funny looks but I explained that no hes my sword its cool and then we became BUDDIES FOR LIFE and I ran off to prepare for our epic confrontation with the fishman.
I got super lost in the cave but I think they got more lost because I still beat them to his room. Then they beat him before I could even do anything. I mean, sure, I tried to skip to the boss room by running up the side of the dungeon but I found a different boss instead. I had to destroy part of the fort to get rid of it. Geb says no one’ll notice because it was old and crumbling but I dunno… still feel like I coulda fixed that entire thing no problem. ANYWAY WE KILLED THE FISH HURRAY!
Then I met my new superawesome best buddy forever, Xanthus, again and he had this cool sword called Mao who he wanted to talk to. So I gave him the lessons my old master gave me and he picked it up right away! IT WAS AMAZING! HE DID IN LIKE THREE DAYS WHAT TOOK ME YEARS. XANTHUS IS SO COOL!!
What happened next? Umm… the next few days are kind of a blur but I think they got to go fight a flower lady thing while I was working on my penmanship since I’d skipped a few lessons. I was also like trying to find out about that old city again. You know, the one from the book in that hut. The library here is so big I’d swear i was never gonna find it!
OH I REMEMBER NOW. NEXT WE ALL WENT ON A ROADTRIP TOGETHER! It was super-cool and we got to meet one of the little grey guy’s buddies or family or something. He had this glowy stick in his leg for some reason. I didn’t quite get it but they had a cool honorable duel, and our little grey guy won! Then I went hunting for a bit and we fought a dragon! It was a big one!
Well, Geb says that I’m kind of lying and yeah I am. We didn’t fight a dragon, so much as he made the mud attack us, created a rockman and ran away. If we see that big green thing again, we can so take care of it! The mud and rocks were easy, so we freed the hole in the ground that was a village but now FULL OF SHINY TREASURE! Don’t tell anyone but I took something special from there myself. It was a book like the one from the gold man’s house. You remember, Geb? The one that turned me into a kid again. That one! Oh but this book wasn’t an evil trick that stole your soul. That’s nice. I remember that happening to Bree, that wasn’t very nice or funny.
WHEN WE GOT BACK TO TOWN THE GEESE POLICE WERE THERE OH NOOOOO! I WAS HOPING TO AVOID THEM. THEY ARE SUPERAWFUL AND I CAN’T OUTRUN AN ARMY OF ANGRY GEESE (I TRIED LAST YEAR AND I HAVE THE BITE MARKS TO PROVE IT). So while my super best friends went to a volcano to fight a devil horse, I went on an epic quest for bread. I saw this creepy bird lady who I avoided because she was like flaying a bear or something and it was super gross???
Then I got back to town, a devil was there and I was like “I GOT THIS” so I teamed up with my super-clever buddy, Oliver, to doubleteam the devilman before he knew what hit him. And I got him super good with my EARTHEN GOD STRIKE, YEAH!! Everyone else was super-cool too and then I nearly died again. When I regained my… brain workingness good again, he was pretty much dead and ran away the coward. THIS KEEPS HAPPENING FOR SOME REASON? Then Xanthus was like even more the coolest and made me feel way better and lent me his bed like a champ. I was planning on sleeping on some rocks again but this was way comfier.
Um, then what happened? OH RIGHT, I FINISHED READING THAT BOOK FROM THE DRAGON AND IT MENTIONED THAT CITY. THE ONE THAT GEB HADN’T HEARD OF BEFORE. So I was like oh my gooooood this is it this is what I’ve been looking for AND A DRAGON HAD IT ALL ALONG?!?! IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
ANYWAY UM YEAH I GOTTA GO GET BREE, MEI AND ARCHOS. THEY GOTTA SEE THIS. ITS SUPER IMPORTANT! I HOPE THEY’RE NOT BUSY!
oh but what about my new friends? ummmmm well theyre all super cool and super tough we’ll meet each other again sometime easily. The goats at Bree’s home are kind of scary, or at least where when I got petrified by them the first four times I went there, but this time I’m ready! This time I HAVE MORE THAN MY DESERT SNAKEFANG TO FEND THEM OFF! I’M COMING FOR YOU, GOATS! Also Bree! She’s important too!!
Oh man did I forget to update my diary in a while? Sorry Geb! Anyway umm what happened recently? OH right! So I was fighitng the gotes right and then WOOOOOSH a giant green thing flew over the sky and bombarded them with like spiky branches and stuff!! Stole all my fun and while I was annoyed I think he said something about heart or whatever and flew off somewhere? Back where I came from so I didn’t care and went to grab Bree. She was okay and we told stories again! She had more frabjuice, it was great! Anyway umm so I told her about the book, read it to her and then we took off towards wherever Mei would be. Easier than I thought turns out! She was like four islands over. What luck! Unfortunately she was doing important military things or whatever?? Geb said it was a big deal and not to get involved.
So of course we got involved! We had to fight off a horde of giants and we BEat Them All and it was great and yeah!! Shadowcat was cool and ripped ones neck open; I buried one alive by causing A GIANT ROCK BIRD TO EXPLODE and Mei stabbed some a bunch. Then we found their leaderman – a giant blue six-armed giant and so we fought it. It was really strong and didn’t go down easy but I don’t know how that fight ended. Maddie wanted me for something so of course I said yes. And PLINK there I went; from mid-fight to…. a long way away. Maybe. I don’t know where I ended up, but NICE TWIST! Maddie wanted my help to fight some criminals or whatever because she’s amazing and cool right? Except the criminals were my friends from before! Oh no! Problem! I can’t fight my friends so we talked it out, Maddie got healed, got what she wanted and no one was hurt! Hurray! But now I need to get back to Mei and Bree and fast only I don’t know where that is from where I ended up. Problem! But there’s that old man in Marigold right? The one who told me about that old city that one time. YOu remember, Geb? Old Man Speaks TOo mUch or whatever his name was. Not important! Anyway uh turns out my cool other friends (yknow Xanthus and the other ones) were heading to Marigold anyway and while I can get there before them no problem that’d be boring and mean. So we’re going on ANOTHER ROAD TRIP TOGETHER YEAH!
A few days later, Xanthus was trying to finish the trial Mao gave him and couldn’t do it. So being the amazing genius I am, I STEPPED IN TO HELP! AND SO XANTHUS AND I HAD AN EPIC DUEL! I was totally winning but I wasn’t trying to win so I stopped trying to win but it was hard to not try to win. Geb had an idea though; since Xanthus can’t actually hit me what if he had to hit a rock? So I ZOOMED UP on a pillar and did what Geb said to do and taunt him to hit the pillar a lot. AND IT WORKED! XANTHUS CAN TALK TO SWORDIANS NOW (Geb says thats a dumb name but we’ll see who’s right later!) and Mao mellowed out and became a cool guy now that he has a friend. YAY!
AMAZING TWIST NEXT DAY! WE FOUND A GIANT BOJROCK! EXCEPT IT WAS A NEW BOJROCK?! AND IT DIDNT HAVE A GIANT GREEN DRAGON! It was…… cool but really boring after the first day. Also I got lost like four times and then Geb made me do my penmanship but Carla… Korey… yeah that Geb! Cathy helped with showing me what Geb meant entirely by accident and the two of them were really cool and made it easier to learn. I wonder if she was a teacher before all this too. Should ask but oh man New Bojrock is actually really boring.
Then some guy went missing? SOMETHING TO DO AT LAST YAY! GOTTA GO TELL XANTHUS! Aww he wasn’t interested in it Boooooo BUT THEN SOME OTHER GUY WENT MISSING AND SUDDENLY XANTHUS, CATHY AND THE OTHERS WERE ALL GAME TO GO DUNGEON DIVING! It was a small cave thing right? But it exploded a lot and people got hurt and I got to be cool and we all had a great time and I killed a tiny ancient dragon man named Steve and i stole one of his talking rocks on the way out to give to the Little Gray Buddy who didnt come with. I think we’re gonna leave now so we can finally get to Marigold and then we gotta say bye again and it’s gonna suck but I FOUND A BRACELET TO GIVE TO XANTHUS SO WE’RE DOUBLE BFFS NOW YAAAAAAAY! It might even be like Maddie’s and do magic person warping things which would be cool but I dunno. It’s shiny and silver and has four charms like hers… did…. so maybe! If not, then at least its a cool gift.
Also Steve’s horde had another book on the Ancient Giant Vampire City but its really dusty and faded and harder to read than the last two! But thats weird. Two dragons had different books and Golden Time Man had one too?? Oliver’s kind of a dragon right? So maybe he knows something. I’LL ASK WHEN I GET THE CHANCE LATER!